Looks like I'm on an extended vacation. The other morning, I barely showed up in time to catch breakfast with two local friends (ok, my only local friends). But so glad I did.
Being the devious people they are, they promptly took Quinn out of my grip and started in on asking me how I'm "really" doing... You know, with that look that only someone who knows you all too well can give you.
Before I knew it, I was admitting that not only have I been a hermit for the last couple of weeks, I'm teetering on the edge of not depression per se, but serious apathy.
"I guess I'm on a vacation from caring" I said. Their eyes narrowed and then Jodi quickly quipped that she might like to join me.
We laughed and I felt some relief that maybe my need to withdraw from much of the world, or at least communicating with the rest of the world, isn't just excusable it may even be healthy. (Probably not so healthy for my friendships, but those things seem to have a life-cycle out of my control anyhow.)
Usually I just like to write as though I'm hitting my head with any blunt object within arm's reach, but lately I'm wishing there were more of 'em lying around.
Lucky for Quinn, she has added so many layers of gristle she's not nearly sharp enough to appeal to my masochistic ways. Besides, she tends to hang on me more like a wet noodle sloppily spilling her cuteness all over the place, thereby ruining any progress I'd made at being utterly grumpy for the day.
In fact, Quinn as my epicenter, is the only person that I feel like being around (myself excluded). Well, the only one in the this hemisphere (and no, I don't have a mistress in Argentina).
Her giggles and impromptu games make my apathy instantly vaporize; I'll make any kind of ridiculous face or sound to keep hearing her laughter bubble up from the well within.
So from afar, I thank all of you for being so patient while I mutter curse words to myself, and try to reengage in all that there is to love in life.
Most likely, my detachment from all beyond the periphery of Quinn will pass within a matter of mere days, but as my friends reminded me, there's no rush to come back to the world of productivity and cattle prods.
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3 comments:
Glad to back blogging. It's not easy but with perserverance and grit you will get through.
You are probably exhausted. After all, as cute as she is, the outward directed attention is constant, and Jack is not in the outer banks camping.
It's one thing to deal with a concrete problem, it's another to deal with energy dispersing non-stop and an unseen horror that obeys no rules, like war.
So, as tiring as it surely is, it is so much better than having her digestive system in never, never land, and having Jack stuck in a job he hates.
Besides, you are my idol, so you can't get depressed.
Love,
auntisooz
I bet my "hermitness" against your "hermitness" and raise you 20. ;-)
I'm sure Auntisooz is right and that you are exhausted. So on that note, don't, for a minute, feel guilty if you need time to think, rest, reflect to focus only on yourself and on the little one who makes you laugh or just demands your attention and energies.
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